even today, when i think of samy, i see her only as a two year old toddler, nt the 24 year old proffessional she has bcome. samy..or samyukta, my daughter, is the only family i have. my husband, shekhar died in a car accident when i had samy inside me. since then, i had to go through many struggles coz i had no family to help, but emerged out successful. being a successful interior designer, i can really pride myself of giving samy everything she wanted.in a way,i did pamper her.
samy always had a streak of arrogance in her character n sometimes i had to put down her whims with an iron fist. she wanted to become a proffessional singer when she was 13 n it took many a nights of fights to get her into professional course.today, she's into the it sector,but lots of times she wud just scorn at me for "forcing" her to get into a job which is fetching her a 5 digit salary.not getting into the minute details...i can safely say i had to keep a constant check on her most of her life. but samy's only arrogant...never stubborn. a few words of niceties...n she'd succumb like a lamb..
exactly an year ago one sunday afternoon,when we were at lunch.samy broached the subject she hated the most...MARRIAGE...i ws kind of urging her to have a look at a few guys around our circle...they were all nice, responsible,educated...in short..eligible guys..but my daughter always steered away the subject with great talent. so that day, when samy started talking about marriage n its implications, albeit in a casual tone...i was shocked n apprehensive at the same time. i think i knew what was coming...
samy fell for a guy..
before i cud broach the issue...samy came to me one nite when i ws clearing dishes..n blurted it out.."ma..i like smone"...n she went into the details..anil worked with her in the office..her colleague. she knew him for the last two years...n he is sensitive n nice n cheerful n stuff like that...i dint react to this..instaed said.."background?"..anil's family has 4 sisters..three to b wedded n one divorced...and a mother.u can imagine the shock it gave me...samy said i will get to meet the guy in 2 days..
true to that..anil came over for lunch the following weekend..the guy was charming,tall, fair n handsome..he had a perpetual smile sticking although he seemed very reticent..no wonder my garrulous girl liked him..he made an excellent listener when she bantered on.the evening went on fine..when we came down to desserts, i asked anil about his future plans..he said he ws doing an mba course thru distance eduction..n once he wud complete that, there ws a promotion for him...n his sisters' marriage???aaahh...that hit a wrong place...n samy gave him a vehement back up.."kya ma???why get into personal details???...his sisters r too young to b married..." (yeah..rite..)..lets nt discuss this now..
i cud see samy doodling with her fork..fetching him anything he wanted...n fussing over him..smiling n blushing n being vvvvvvery loquacious...god..i knew there ws no way out of this...she liked him genuinely...anil left..n me n samy got infront of the tv...she ws pretending to watch...but she wanted my reaction on anil..i mean..i knew this coz she was watching even the ads without batting an eyelid..finally i said.." he seems nice"..samy spoke.."he IS nice ma.."..
me.."he's got a big family"..
samy retorted.."i ve been alone all my life..it will b nice for a change if i lived with lots of ppl around me"..
me.."big families...big responsibilities"..
samy..."so who said i am still a kid...i cn take of stuff like tht.."..
me.."u rnt used to those kind of things baby.."
samy..."chuck ma...i can do it...cant u see...we love eachother.."..
the cat was out of the bag..samy loved him..n there was no way i cud push her off on that one..aftr all..she loved him..if she's gonna b happy with it..there was nothing i cud do..it was her life after all..i could just guide..i tried making her see sm sense..humph..not much use..
following week..i met anil's mother at their place..their's was quite a contrast to our custom designed mansion with bathtubs n a lawn..(i am nt a leading interior person for no reason)..anil's was a small individual house..built most probably in the 70's...quite old n peeling..the house had a derelict look on the outside...n the people inside were no different..middle class family..quite different from what samy knew at our place..
that nite, whn i got home..we got into a discussion..i objected.."u wont like it there"..n so on n so forth..samy listened to me for three minutes quietly n declared.."either u get me married to him..or i walk out.."..well...nice options..n soon..i gave in..next month..we had a "samyukta weds anil" board...haa...that was over..
with samy away..the house seemed pretty empty..two days n i got raving mad..that was when i decided to get away..i had an abroad trip planned for me..with luck i cud pick some overseas clients too...i gave samy n anil their honeymoon tickets(their wedding gift from me) n i pushed off..
5 months n 3 house designs later, i got home..all thru the time, i kept contact with anil n samy..but wasnt able to talk much.i dismissed the domestic help b4 i left, not knowing whn i wud get back..n the house was in shambles.after completeing the dusting, i called my daughter up n invited the couple over for tea in the evening.
samy n anil came in the evening.anil was his taciturn self.he spoke sm niceties n left immediately,quoting sm work.samy remained for a much awaited talk. when anil left, i asked samy, "so how's marital life baby?having fun??how ws the honeymoon?"..samy looked away..n aftr a fractional pause, said"fine..ma...ffffine"..before i cud probe further..she got up, walked to her room..glanced in.immediately, she collapsed onto her knees n started sobbing there.i rushed n pacified her.after a few minutes, she started speaking..
"kya happy ma?? there ws no honeymoon!!!"..i ws shocked..b4 i cud say anything, she went on.."u gave us tickets.but anil dint wanna go..he said the othr expenses wud b high!! everything has an amount of misery in it..we hv to save on everything,even on chocolates(samy loves chocolates) n my accessories. both of our salaries go away into vapour before the 15th of a month.everything has to b stashed away for his sisters.
we cant go out alone, smone or the other of the family will b tailing us n most of the time he doesnt want us to go alone.everything has to b shared with the family. when we talk in the room..smone or the other barges in saying..bhaiyya this..bhaiyya that..i have practically no privacy in that godforsaken house ma!!"..
i cudunt utter a word.."they r his family baby..u need to adjust".."what adjust ma..they r just so abominable..they know nothing about neatness.the whole house has a dilapidated look,everything gets strewn everywhere.buks, papers, clothes,they cant even hand their own towels out.they dont have separate combs too..yucky..!!"
samy went on.."ppl arent considerate at all ma..get up in the morning n start cooking..fix up sm carriers n rush to the office.anil's got a separate shift nowadays..so he goes at 11..n i hafta go by 8 30.we dnt get to talk much at all..
his sisters r such a noisy lot.all they do is watch tv every minute possible n eat.no one's is bothered about my existence..tomorrow, if i drop dead, nobody ll gve a shit..i am just a minor soul fulfilling the dreams of my workaholic husband..cooking..cleaning..washing..this is all i have in life!!"..
"even anil isnt the same..i thot his silence wud slowly give way to words..bt no..thats not possible..he comes in late at nite at 11..has a silent dinner n pushes to sleep..no gifts..no words of love..nothing..i amnt allowed to pamper him outside the room..what if his sisters see n feel bad??!!! that divorcee sister..megha..she wudunt lemme spend anytime with him..n even anil doesnt try much.i wish we wud b by ourselves in that house..all those people are driving me crazy.anil says he cant relax till he goes thru his responsibilites..n i know tht ll happen only when i start greying...!!"..
my daughter went on like that, way into the nite..b4 dinner time, anil came to fetch her. there was nothing i cud do..i bade them well n started contemplating on what samy said.
was it a mistake in my upbringing??did i pamper samy so badly??or was it anil's fault too..??
being the only child..she always had all my attention..i cud put up with her whims n caprice.she was always used to a spic n span house.she never had much to do..coz we were only two.she cud cook excellent thai n chinese food..but her inlaws like indian..
anil isnt a wrong guy too.he is nice n talented n work crazy.he just wanted to come up on his own.in short he had a lot of stings attached, and samy wasnt able to cope up with them.samy n anil rise from different backgrounds..n it is difficult for them to adjust..no wonder my daughter felt tormented..
its been 7 months since samy sobbed that day. all thru this while..i tried pacifying her..smtime i cajoled..sometime i explained that given time..things wud b rite..at a time, i even suggested their family move in with me..there ws ample space for everyone..anil declined quite rudely...i dint mind..my daughter did think a lot on this issue..but her caprice got the better of her..one moment, she wanted to adjust with anil..n give it a go..next..she wanted to give everything up...a couple of months later..the situation worsened..samy's mom in law started complaining how she cudunt put up with work..n anil bcked his mom up..bickerings went on for days together..with anil n his mom vs samy.guess that blew her off finally..i tried changing her mind..n pulling her off..but......
even today, when i see samyukta coming down from ger attorney's office, i see her only as a toddler, my chubby 2 year old. samy filed for a divorce..god knows if anil wants it too..my girl seems forlorn n sad.she made a sore mistake n both of us r suffering for it. she moved back in..n for once..my talkative princess..became a silent girl..life taught her a very hard lesson..but she is still learning..
sometimes i do feel i am to blame..may b if i counselled her better n got her away from that caprice, she wud have been a happy wife..or i shud have made her see that anil was from a world different from hers..i was always particular about everything samy wanted..her school, her college, her career, her dresses..everything..god knows why i let her have her whims in one of the most important issues in life..i see my daughter crying..n feel i am to blame..may b if i told her in the beginning..quite sternly, this wudunt have happend...may b not..
but i do feel guilty..
[the story is based on mrs.gudipati kanakadurga's "podarillu]
